Junebug and I taking Paley and North for a ride.

I finally got back in the saddle… because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t.

The last time I lost a horse I was a freshman in college and I didn’t ride again for 10 years. It was too emotional and I was used to loving and having a relationship with the knowing beast that carried me around.

I got back in the saddle- on my gelding North who seems lost and displaced since we said good-bye to my mare Paley. She’s been a dear friend to me for the past 18 yrs.

I haven’t been blogging because I have been grieving with the knowledge of having to let her go (and then adjusting to “after”). I felt an undercurrent of sadness that rose to the immediacy of calling the vet to come as soon as he could.

Family life, farm life… it’s what I write about. It IS my life here as an artist. But I couldn’t talk about what was happening. I couldn’t give my name to the receptionist at the vet on the phone. I couldn’t trust myself to speak when the vet came to the farm. Farmboy had to be there all the time. I didn’t know if I would sob, be silent or speak.

So. On a cold and windy Thursday in Dec. we said good-bye… Farmboy, my sister-in-law, me, the vet and North. It was both beautiful and heart-breaking.

One day I will write about that experience, what my vet insisted on to allow my gelding to say goodbye and how it changed what was happening. He was wise and right and I am thankful for his years and insight. The picture in my mind haunts me and reminds me of something that I always considered as one of the sweetest and saddest things I’ve ever seen.

Paley and North saying hello for the first time. He was very malnourished- only off the track a couple of days.

I got back in the saddle to help North find a different purpose than being her companion and to help me connect because he and the pony Queenie have been second string- the supporting cast.  She was my priority. I feel like I could walk away from riding right now. My spark is gone. She was my etch-a-sketch. When we went out, I came back shaken up… erased. Fresh and new… mentally and physically. My step was lighter and I could conquer much.

I got back in the saddle. It’s a start, right?

The day we bought Paley.

Our first ride in the hunt field with Cherry Valley Hunt.